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4.5 ★★★★★
Based on 17 reviews
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★★★★★ 5
biblical and scientific
I never thought I would say this, but a relationship book has made it to my top ten favorite books. I felt like it was really good premarital counseling in book form. I've had premarital counseling, and it was actually pretty good, but this book was much, much better.
This book is really well written, and the content ranges from the general (for instance, telling you that men and women have different needs) to the specific (for instance, giving suggestions for how to tell if you are still "in love" with someone, or if you just see them as a really good friend you happen to be engaged/married to). This book draws heavily from Gottman's research on marriage. While his work does have its flaws, it's important to note that it is easily the best research on marriage that anyone has ever done. Most marriage theories are based on the author's opinions and what they have seen work for a few couples here or there, but Gottman has done the leg-work so that this book can present some actual empirical understanding of the basics of a good marital foundation. This book also draws heavily on Biblical principles of love, relationships, and marriage. It is unapologetically Christian and suggests at the end of the book that even if a couple is doing everything "right" they need to share spiritual dreams and Christian service.
I read this book by myself when I got engaged to my boyfriend of a couple of years. The book has questions at the end of each chapter to help you consider how the material in the chapter applies to your specific situation. I took the questions seriously and by about 1/3 of the way through the book I realized that I really couldn't marry my boyfriend. I had a hard time letting go of the relationship but in hindsight it was a really unhealthy situation. My friends had been telling me their concerns but I needed to figure it out for myself, and this book walked me through that process in a really low-pressure gentle way.
When I started dating my now-husband I started reading the book again and answering the questions in regard to my new relationship. It was really reassuring for me to see that we were built on a solid foundation. I decided to start over and read the whole book together(which we mostly did in the car) and discuss the questions together. This was probably the best thing we have done for our relationship. It helped us have reasonable expectations for each other and ourselves, and helped us set up good habits as we started our marriage together.
One thing to note: apparently there is a man's workbook and a woman's workbook to accompany this book. For budget reasons, I didn't purchase the workbooks. The book was still extremely helpful for me and my husband, but every few pages it directs the reader to an exercise in the workbook. Some of the exercises looked interesting and others looked repetitive or boring. Discussing the questions at the end of each chapter was enough for us.
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Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2011
★★★★★ 5
Best Marriage Preparation Book
As a pastor of 25 years, I have used several books as part of a pre-marital counseling regiment. This is the best, by far! Not only do the Man's and Woman's Workbooks (I suggest ordering them with the book) make premaritial counseling simpler, I have found that this book hits the nail on the head. Couples who went through the material in preparation for marriage thanked me after they were married, and they shared how valuable this material was in the daily grind of life.
I first heard the authors at a Moody Pastor's Conference in the late 1990's. It did not take me long to determine that I would check out their books. I have since concluded that Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are exceptional in the realm of understanding human relationships.
Althogh the book is written by a godly Christian couple, this is more of a relational book than a spiritual one, so I would not consider it a complete pre-marital regiment, but a good anchor book.
Whether used in counseling or simply read by a couple in their own quest to prepare for marriage, this book is a gem. The Drs. Parrott seem to have a realistic (and well documented) grasp on the nature of marriage. This is practical, hands on material.
The book is arranged around 7 questions: Have you faced the myths of marriage with honesty? Can you identify your love style? Have you developed the habit of happiness? Can you say what you mean and understand what you hear? Have you bridged the gender gap? Do you know how to fight a good fight? and Are you and your partner soul mates?
Of course no couple entering marriage could honestly answer all those questions with a "yes." But the book provides a good start and helps couples begin to face reality and potential areas of growth.
If a couple follows the exercises by purchasing the workbooks, (like identifying some of your own personal "commandments"--rules you live by that you picked up who knows where and expect your spouse to know and agree with), it could preclude many potential tensions later.
This book could also be used as a marriage enrichment manual. Indeed, many couples (perhaps most) have probably failed to incorporate these solid principles. Indeed, several couples I counseled have identified this exercise as having made a significant difference in their marriages.
To those of you considering marriage, go through this book together, and cosider at least some of the exercises in the workbooks. To pastors and Christian counselors, I urge you to read this volume and consider using it!
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Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2003
★★★★★ 5
Inexpensive, yet extremely helpful
Well written book that can be helpful not only to newlywed couples or those engaged, but also to those who have been married for a period of time. They are thought provoking and encourage dialog on a variety of marital issues. The companion workbooks for each respective spouse is nice.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 13, 2025
★★★★★ 4
Sense and Practicality Found Here
This book is a great way for couples to discuss matters that are really important. It is a great way to talk about the things that are all too often "unspoken" even with the greatest of couples. This book gave us a way to make sense of our thoughts, in an easy non-judgmental and open way. It wasn't that we hadn't voiced these ideas or matters, just that we hadn't thought about the matters fully. That is what this book is for: discussing. One of the greatest parts of the book is discussing your family's unspoken rules.
My fiance and I had already discussed several of the matters in the book (and thought we had done so successfully), just not as thoroughly as the book asked of us. This really helped us understand each other and our perspectives. Some of the matters in the book seem to be on the naive side, maybe assuming a more modest and conservative lifestyle of its readership (perhaps written especially for couples that haven't gotten to spend a lot of time around each other for extended periods), but there is enough reality to keep topics and discussion flowing. It is an easy fast paced read.
This book presents a comfortable and laid back way of discussing the things you may have already thought of but never got the time to bring full circle.
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Reviewed in the United States on December 21, 2008
★★★★★ 5
Practical and helpful
Format: Hardcover
This is a great book. My husband and I gave one copy to one of our sons as he started to have relationship troubles; this book helped him immensely in getting to the core of what makes a relationship work. We gave a copy to our other son when he got engaged, and we don't know if he simply read it and responded to the questions or if he used it as a springboard to start conversations with his fiancee. All I see is that they have become more of a team, better at communicating, and very happy as they focus on their future marriage. Note that I said "marriage" and not "wedding" - the more important focus!
My husband and I are Christians; the perspective of a Christian couple is clear in this book, but in addition to that, the Parrotts bring professional training and clear writing to the table. Their questions and discussions are insightful and sometimes humorous, making it an easy-to-read book. This is a practical "handbook" for couples at all stages of serious relationships, from pre-engagement through married for many years.
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Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2016
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